End of Year Reflections

It’s nearly New Year’s, which means that it is the time of year when we reflect and look back on the year’s successes and failures. 2019 has been bursting to the seams with things to celebrate and things to mourn in my life and the life of my family, but there is one thing that rises above them all, my favorite thing and the best thing that I’ve done:

I married my husband (again).
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It was at a renaissance faire with two of our closest friends on a perfect day in an open-air chapel. He wore a kilt and a Robin Hood hat (fulfilling two fantasies of mine simultaneously) and I wore a red dress with flowers in my hair. The tiny chaplain read a Neil Gaiman poem and I cried when we recited the vows because of course I did.
We looked forward to the vow renewal ceremony for months and as soon as it was over, we were talking about how we couldn’t wait to do it again. (So if anyone sees any cool opportunities for vow renewals anywhere, let me know! Have love, will travel.)

When I look back on my year, this is the part that sticks out, because without my husband and the relationship that we share, it would have been impossible for me to have reached the goals that I have this year. I am a head-in-the-clouds sort. I think up a lot of things that wiser, more grounded beings would never consider, much less pursue.

But whenever I come up with some hair-brained idea or get my heart set on some ridiculous thing, Aaron unfailingly supports me. And not just in a “Sure, of course, go for it” way; instead, he tells me I am capable of anything and then gives me a strong dose of his down-to-earth logic that somehow not only convinces me that I’m not crazy for wanting to attempt it, but that I would be crazy not to with all of this evidence in my corner.

I love him so fiercely for that.

And it is equally unthinkable that I would have made it through the year's failures without him. And let me tell you, this year has had more than its fair share. I have questioned things about myself this year that I thought were long-settled, happily so, our family has had loss, and I’ve experienced depression for the first time in years, since post-partum hit me hard after I had my oldest.

But no matter what I’m feeling, or how much I vent, or how much I don’t feel like the best version of myself, Aaron knows how to reach me and say the things which will make that moment or that day or that week a little bit more bearable. He will let me crawl up on his lap and will tell me that my feelings are valid, that complaining to him is good because he wants to hear the things, that I am beautiful and good. And I know that he means it, that he wants nothing more in life than he wants to love me and our family as completely as humanly possible - and sometimes even more than that.

So without question, the highlight of my year was marrying my husband again, with a close second being every other day I got to spend as his wife. It’s the very best thing to be.
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Happy New Year’s, friends.

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